Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
