I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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