screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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