You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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