Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
