It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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