between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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