So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
