Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
