I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
