garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drake has all the answers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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