i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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