well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sex in a hospital.. check
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
