I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
