just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize