we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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