It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
50% drunk capacity currently
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
