Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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