wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
