my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
MIDGETS
????
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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