whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
