just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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