I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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