ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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