I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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