What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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