it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
