i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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