Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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