Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
