as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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