i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
