If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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