peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
