i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
