I wish I could teleport
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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