Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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