So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
