Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
