rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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