Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
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just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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