I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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