He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
