hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
