Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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