I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
