mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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