I got chris browned last night
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
