he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
