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oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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