I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
