Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
