so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
