____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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