Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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