I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
