plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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